At A Moments Notice...

Darkness Falls Across The Land | The Midnite Hour Is Close At Hand | Creatures Crawl In Search Of Blood | To Terrorize Y’awl’s Neighbourhood ~ Michael Jackson, Thiller

For some of us, we only get one chance a year to be the people we've secretly always wanted to be. Do it up this year! We did!

Pinky was doing it up this year, complete with a diamond stud in the tooth! Oh and uh, check the glass----like whoa!



Rufus, the near-sited ref with the gorrilla ass knockin' er'body's drinks over, was there.



Queen Bea Worker #1 escorting her P.I.M.P.



Judge Whopner and his Sexy Cop, keepin' the peace, as well as their eyes on Pinky...



Nobody----and I do mean nobody wanted to fuck with Ma'dea, except for well....Rufus. Rumor has it they were seen in the backseat of her jeep...



Kizzy the runnaway slave finally found her way through the Underground Railroad, and was surprised to find so many free blacks...go figure...



Genji, the Drunken Ninja kept cuttin' everybody all night, and has been MIA. Last seen confronting Ma'dea.



Judge Whopner holdin' court with , Grown ass Liz and Lil' Pattie



Let's see here, we got an Asian, a Real Life Statue of Liberty, and a Chelsea Witch...only in Brooklyn!



Ma'dea and Lil' Kim bumpin' purses at the bar...



Dancin', Dancin', Dancin', he's a dancin' machine! Rufus shows us how it's done!



Un Un, oh no he didn't! Steve and Aqila gettin' down!



Pinky recruiting some new Hoes for the fall season!



Josey and the Pussy Cat, flanking the Naughty "Oh yes she did!" Nurse



Sgt. Karim protecing Pinky while he schools Chris, an up and coming P.I.M.P.



Elvira a.ka. Alythia, doin' it up with Rufus.



Be careful Dee Mike might chop that ass Rufus!



Is that? Oh my god---it is Count Dracula! Nahhhh, that's just Mike shootin' the breeze with Rufus.



Walter the "Uh, I forgot my costume" bartender.



Scooby Doo, Jeff the Wide Reciever, and Judge Whopner holdin' court.



The gangs all here! Happy Halloween!!!!!!!!

If I should stay | I would only be in your way | So I'll go | But I know | I'll think of you every step of the way... ~ Whitney Houston

Is it possible to fall out of love?

Someone asked this question today on keithboykin.com, and it got me to thinking if you love someone, I mean really love someone can you fall out of love with them?


The answer, my answer, is no.

When pre-drugged out Whitney sang the now classic I Will Always Love You, she sung of a brave true love. A love that said sincerely: Look, I know I'm not the one for you so I'm going to go and let you find what it is you need, but know this: I will always love you.

It is impossible to end love, simply because love is forever whereas relationships---that thing that usually follows love around like a bad habit---aren't.

Relationships come and go, while love lasts long after the fire has gone. And that fire equals passion. Many people, myself included have confused love and passion for one in the same. Again, love is everlasting, while passion is fleeting. Love endures to the end, while passion lasts but a while. Love is nurturing and supportive, while passion at times can be very, very dangerous. For example, have you not heard of crimes of passion? Acts thought to have been commited in love, but were/are actually committed for selfish/inconsiderate reasons, by selfish/inconsiderate people.

When a relationship comes to an end, the love does not die. When the passion fades, the love does not die. Even if you say you hate the person, you actually don't. What you hate is what they did to you, or how they made you feel. But, buried beneath all of that is, guess what, love.

The person who asked the question wanted to know how he could fall out of love with someone who could not return his affection. The sad truth is, he can't. He just has to learn to love enough to let go, and move on. It's as simple as that.

What are your thoughts?

A lot has been going on lately so I haven't had the chance to really update my blog. God I hate that word---blog---it sounds like something you do after you've had one too many drinks at the nudey bar.

Anyway, like I said a lot has been going on, and as a result, I've been running around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to do everything right the first time because a brotha hates to repeat himself. Which unfortunately creates a whole 'nother level of stresstivity *laughs* (I made that up!)

I'm human right? Right. So I should know by now I'm going to make mistakes right? Right. So why the fuck do I consistently expect to do everything right, the first time with no mistakes whatsoever?! Have I ever written a book before? No. Have I ever promoted a book before? No. Then why all the stress? Instead of learning from this experience one lesson at a time, I'm trying to pack it all in and learn everything all at once.

It's not going to work Chris.
I know.
So why do you do it?
That's what I asked you?
I have no idea...
Me either.
*Shrugs...*

So I'm not perfect. And I never will be, the world (that includes you) will just have to get over it.

On another note, when I logged on the other night an article caught my eye: Hurt Feelings Truly Hurt

Apparently a doctor and his clique got together and performed some tests on college students (not lab mice) about the actual effect of hurt feelings. The findings: The areas of the brain that light up when a person feels physical pain also lights up when a person's feelings are hurt. So the next time someone hurts your feelings, let them know the shit really does hurt, then punch that sucker in the eye.

Original Article if you're interested.

And uh, when I have more to write about I will, until then, what's going on with you?

Ah-ight so the morning started off fairly well. I woke up (late), showered (too long) and began readying myself for another day of the rat race.

At times I envy all you guys who happen to live outside of New York City. There is no way to describe the morning commute. You see it all. You hear it all. Sometimes it gets to you, and sometimes it doesn't. This morning it got to me.

Here are some of the things I see practically every morning, that I can't fuckin' stand:

1. Black women who lean back and shake their blond (extended) hair. (Believe me, I seen it this morning)

2. Teenagers who look like they're going to war, instead of school.

3. Black men who actually look like P.I.M.Ps.

4. White women who look sooooo afraid.

5. White men and their smug, "oh I'm so much better than you" stance.

6. Cruisers. You know the ones, that look at you as if they want to sop you and the dude standing next to you up with their mama's biscuits.

7. 485 Lexington Avenue. (Don't Ask)

8. Mofo's who take up like three seats, and then look at you as if you're the one with the problem.

9. The school crossing guard that does more talking than crossing.

10. Teenagers using the word Niggah, over and over and over while the man sits idlely by pretending not to hear any of it.

11. Loud ass, ghetto ass, "un-un oh no he didn't" teenage girls and their drama way too early in the morning.

12. That one mofo that tries to s-q-u-e-e-z-e his ass in a train car that's already overcrowded by well over 200 people.

13. Stank ass breath 7 fuckin' 30 in the morning breathin' down your neck.

14. The evangelist that yells and screams: You're All Going to HELLLLLLLLLLL!!!!

15. Mofo's who, as soon as the doors open, knocks you down to get a seat their ass is way too big to fit in.

16. The uh, Playa, Playa with way to much cologne.

17. The whole Erykah Badu clique.

18. The whole gansta clique.

19. The whole foo-foo-she-she clique.

20. Your f'n clique.

21. Your mama's f'n clique.

Damn'...I hate the morning commute!

Think about your life for a second. Think about all the things you have done, all the places you have been, and equally, all the things you plan to do?

Now, question: Are you creating the life you desire or, discovering who it is you are?

I had this debate a few years ago with one of my friends who at the time was trying to "discover" his purpose in life. To him, life was all about discovery. And so, his main goal was to piece together this massive puzzle called life until his ah-ha moment occurred and he was made aware of who he was, and thus what his purpose was. Similiar if you will to the plot of the Matrix.

While I on the other hand whole-heartedly belived life was more about creation. In my opinion--through the power of choice granted by The MAN himself--we create every moment of our life. We create the situations and as a result, we too create the outcome.

To me, creation makes more sense in the grander scheme of things. Because I'm saying---if the outcome is/was predetermined wouldn't this all seem like one big ass joke?

So today my question is: Does one create or discover their life's purpose/direction?

Runnin' ‘round in circles, lost my focus | Lost sight of my goal | I do this for the love of music | Not for the glitter and gold... ~ India.Irie

Today i decided to spend the day thinking about all the little things I love. With so much going on nowadays it's good to take time out and reminisce on all those things that secretly bring a smile to your face.

Here are a few things I love...

1. The smell of my mama's sweet potato pie.

2. Bike riding through Brooklyn.

3. Meeting real people, with real personalities.

4. Hanging out with my family.

5. The colors of fall.

6. Beautiful smiles.

7. Lauryn Hill.

8. My down comforter.

9. Wood floors.

10. Pistachios.

11. Twizzlers.

12. Leather.

13. HGTV.

14. Sunday mornings.

12. Heartfelt lyrics.

13. My sony mini-disc player.

14. Macaroni & Cheese, with a side of yams.

15. Being in love for 3 years now.

16. The Jeffersons.

17. The Matrix.

18. Defeating the odds.

19. The Blacks.

20. Butter pecan/almond ice cream.

21. Candle light.

22. Quiet nights at home.

23. Thunderstorms.

24. Bermuda.

25. mutual respect.

What are some of the little things you love?

Hey Mr. DJ put a record on I wanna dance with my baby | And when the music starts | I never wanna stop, it's gonna drive me crazy...~Madonna

I don't know what it is about music that drives me absolutely out of my fuckin' mind! But it's like, when I hear a tight beat, followed by some of the most heartfelt lyrics written by man, I just go up, for real.

But I know I'm not the only one, I've seen you shakin' a tailfeather at the club, or tramplin' everyone in your pew when your song comes on. I've even heard you profess it: "Damn that's my song!" , and commense to lose yourself in it's magnetic influence.

It's contaigous though--your song soon becomes my song--and my song, our song! At least until Hot97 gets it and wears the shit out of it--you know what I'm saying? The radio can kill a song when it wants to! Over and Over and Over until you're like please stop, or kill me, or something---because if I hear 50 Cent one more time, talkin' about that fuckin' club, I'm going postal!

That's why I don't listen to the radio. The only time I hear it is at the barbershop. Other than that nadda, zilch, nothing. That way I get to enjoy my favorite songs for as long as I want.

.:TOP 5 ARTISTS:.

Lil' Mo is really doing it for me. Shorty is ghetto, but shorty can sang. I recently watched a live video she shot for AOL with Fabolous singing her first single off her new set (Meet the Girl Next Door) 4Ever and shorty doo-wop hit every note and sung that song like her life depended on it. I love when an artist does that for me. I love it!

Syleena Johnson is one of the hottest artist to drop in 2002, but no one appreciated her album! If I were her--and you betta be lucky I'm not--I'd go to every last one of your houses and slap the shit out of you! I'm telling you the girl is talented (she wrote all of her music), and deep (her songs actually move something other than your bootilicious). So, if for some reason you are one of those individuals that has not given her 13 duckets, go on out to your local Best Buy and do the right thang, or get the powder ready cause Ms. Johnsonis a-commin'!

Luther Vandross has always made the list, despite the fact he has never made a perfect album. For some strange reason Luther always insists on throwing some of those "The Bad Boy's Havin' A Party" tunes into the mix. I loves Luther---God Knows I do! But he needs to stop puttin' that 1982 shake a tailfeather shit on his album. But nevertheless, he kills most of the tracks on this new set---especially Dance With My Father!

Jonathan Butler---on the real, this guy is the bomb! I'm almost ashamed to admit I just discovered him this year, but not ashamed to say that since then I have basically collected every CD he has dropped since 1986! Music, lyrics, emotion--if you love laid back smoothed out music with a jazzy, r&b feel to it, then do yourself a favor and pick up any of this man's albums! You will not be disappointed!

Lizz Wright What can one not say about Lizz Wright? She is the perfect easy like a Sunday Morning music. She most definitely sets the mood...brunch, the Sunday Times, a few mimosa's and Lizz Wright is all you need to begin the week feeling composed, peaceful, and relaxed.

.:TOP 5 TUNES:.

Heather Headly, If It Wasn't For Your Love: Sentimental and warm. That's exactly how I like my music!

Chad Kroeger, Hero: The theme song for spiderman moves me everytime: I am so high, I can hear heaven | I am so high, I can hear heaven | Oh, but heaven, no heaven, don't hear me...

Barry White, I Love You Just The Way You Are: When this man passed earlier this year the world lost a mighty spirit, and an equally powerful artist. This songs almost always moves me to tears...you da man Barry!

Beyonce, Crazy In Love: Unlike the millions of you who listen to this song 500,000 times a day, I hear it, when I want to hear it, and it still drives me crazy! Do your thang Beyonce!

Ludacris, Stand Up: If this song doesn't get the laziest of people at the club up and on their feet, then they need to keep their tired ass asses at home! STAND UPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.....End

P.S. The comment section is a commin'.

Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married | Going to the chapel of love... ~ The Dixie Cups

Sometimes I am at a lost for words when it comes to describing some of the things going on in my life. During those times it seems as if everything is happening all at once, causing great gaps of time to appear missing...as if I were asleep for hours, or even days. I'm there, I know I am...but at the same time I'm not there. Wierd huh?

This weekend I watched my best-friend get married. The whole thing was kinda surreal. When we were kids it seemed the day would never come when we'd actually grow up. (Grow up? What the heck is that? When does it actually occur? Am I grown now?) Now that it seems that we have, it's like everything is changing. Jonjo is married. To Lisa. Wow...he's really an adult now starting a new life, with a new wife. Sooo many people were happy for them. They all came anticipating the moment when both he and she would proclaim their love for each other 'til-death-do-them-part! His love for her, and hers for him was accepted with no contest whatsoever. When the pastor came to the part: "If anyone hear has any just reason why these two..." no one said anything. No one stood and protested. No one batted an eye. No one...

That's when I realized weddings are way too stressful for gay men. At least for this gay man. As a kid I always thought I would get married. As a matter of fact I always thought I would be the first to tie the knot out of all of my friends, simply because I was the one that was always crazy in love. I was the one with the banging girl-friends! The one who would commit at the drop of a dime. So without question I just knew marriage was in my future despite my overwhelming secret attraction to men.

But low and behold, life has a will of its own. You cannot be someone you are not. You can't. It took many years but eventually I mastered the lesson. I am who I am, and finally I'm okay with it. And though this might come as a shock to some, I don't want to get married. What I want is respect.

I am in love. Happily in love. It's just...people choose to ignore it. As if my love doesn't exist, or shouldn't exist. And it doesn't matter that we've been together for years...if we were to ever find ourselves before a church professing our love I guarantee you thousands upon thousands of people would object, simultaneously.

On another note I served as Usher/Groomsman in the wedding and had a whole lot of shit to do and learn in a matter of hours. Stand here. Walk here. Go there. Not there, here. When the music stops do this. Then this. Then that. Okay? Got it? Let's roll.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Can someone please explain to me why women become so fucking frantic at weddings? The bride was cool. Nervous but cool...she just wanted to ensure everything went well on her day. The wedding planner however was another story all together. This fill in the blank stressed everybody out 5 minutes into the fucking rehearsal. I had to hold my breath and count to ten quite a few times but **breaths a sigh of release** I made it out okay...

Note to un-married women who want to get married but are still single: Bossing men around every second you get will not get you down the aisle anytime soon, trust. Relax, and let a man be a man.

One bridesmaid, and one friend who showed up to help out actually made my weekend miserable. I don't like being bossed around like a child! Repeat: I don't like being bossed arould like a child! God if I were straight---and thank God I ain't---these chicks would have gotten no play! Pushy! Pushy! Pushy!

Needless to say I was glad when I made it home to my own little world...where no one bosses me around, and my love RULES!!!

All my love to Mr. & Mrs. Jonjo Raysor...

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain | We all have sorrow | But if we are wise | We know that there's always tomorrow... ~ Bill Withers

"Do you ever think I'll find, that peace I see radiating from you?" He asked sincerely, his head tilted slightly to the right. From his stance, I could see the trust in his eyes. Trust he placed in me, a stranger. 'Why?' I wondered, 'would he trust me to predict his future? Did he somehow see in me, something I had missed? Could I possibly say the right words to convince him of something I myself had long doubted?'

I watched him, as he waited patiently for an answer.

"My friend," I said moments later, "everything you desire, you already have---the love, the understanding, the peace---all these things are yours. Not because I have told you so, but because it is so." I smiled. "It is only when you become fully aware of thier presence, will they make themselves known to you. So you see, I cannot give you the answers to the questions you seek. In time you will learn that there is no right or wrong way. No left or right. Only, the moment."

Confusion rode his face as he internalized my words. I could see the wheels turning, desperately trying to piece together the puzzle. I reached out to him just as the first tear fell. In my arms I comforted him, hoping to ease the pain. His eyes, oh such beautiful eyes, bled with the pain of empty promises and broken dreams. His body trembled as he spoke...

"But I can't go on like this," he cried, "I cannot..."

I cupped his face in my hands. "You can, and you will. You are destined for greatness. The moment you choose to acknowledge this truth, nothing you desire shall be denied. I speak truth to you, for I have been there. Yes, I too have suffered through the uncertainty of today only to find clarity in the morn. I too have crumbled underneath mounds of pressure...and yes, I too felt it impossible to deal with the pain of one more day. But, somehow, somewhere, I found the strength to persevere, and so shall you my friend. So shall you."

Yes, I am my brother's keeper. So too are you...

I was reborn when I was broken | I wouldn't believe... | I wouldn't believe, no | Been thru a storm no use in hoping | That you would come rescue me | Somehow your love set me free | And I, I can let my life pass me by | Or I can get down and try | Work it all out this lifetime | Work it on out this time... ~Maxwell

Like Maxwell my life has been filled with ups and downs, trials, tribulations, burdens, and then some. I have been to the very tip of mountain as well as the deepest darkest valley, and yet still somehow I live. I-have-survived. And I'm here to tell you today, so can you.

As I embark on what will be my most daunting task since boarding this world thirty years ago I find myself questioning the un-question-able, doing the un-do-able, and perservering like never before. Am I scared---hell yeah I am! But if I don't do what I came here to do I will never forgive myself, for this moment is mine...and I must do everything within my power to seize it.

So too must you. Take a minute and think about your life, and your purpose. What have you been neglecting? Where have you fallen short? Are you doing your all? Really focusing on your goal? Are you at one with yourself, right now...at this very moment? Because if you are not you will surely convince yourself that what you want, you don't deserve. And there is no lie greater than that.

So, be good to yourself, and remember: You too can do these things...yes, even you...

Be blessed, and continue to enjoy the site.

Whose world is this? | The world is yours, the world is yours! | It's mine, it's mine, it's mine | Whose world is this? | It's yours! | It's mine, it's mine, it's mine... ~Nas

Imagine that? A world of your own---nah fuck that---my own! Back in the day Kurtis Blow got me to thinking, What if I ruled the world? HA! HA! Imagine that...

If I ruled the world:

1. Anyone caught smoking would find their smelly ass in a big ass hole where they can puff themselves to death.

2. Anyone caught listening to the new princess of Hip-Hop and R&B would be confined to a 4 by 4 foot room with no window, a lifetime of batteries and only that bitch's CDs.

3. Basketball players would play in shorts with no underwear.

4. Wrestlers would be forced to take acting lessons.

5. Anita Baker would have to put out an album once a year.

6. Seal would pen and sing the national anthem.

7. Madonna would be hung. (Just kidding)

8. Whitney would have to produce those alledged receipts.

9. Tyson Beckford would be forced to wait on me hand and foot.

10. Theodore Witcher would have to do a sequel to love jones.

11. Anyone performing on Soul Train would be forced to sing.

12. Prince would be limited to one album per 2 years.

13. Angela Basset would win no less than 5 Oscars.

14. Punks would be released on DVD.

15. The Blacks would finally ban together.

16. The Whites would give us our 40 acres and a mule.

17. Everyone would be forced to watch Get On The Bus until they finally got it.

18. Spirituality would replace Religion.

19. People would say "I love you" and mean it, or face the consequences.

20. Black Men would father their children.

21. Black Women would nurture their children.

22. Black Children would go to school and actually learn something other than the latest slang.

23. Child Molesters would be be-headed.

24. Rapists, strangled to death.

25. Black Men would finally read something other than the sports section in the Daily News.

26. Black people would actually own and operate their own businesses without fear of failure.

27. Being lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgendered would be all the rage, and not looked upon as the least bit strange.

28. People would know who Dianne Reeves is.

29. Diana Ross would finally get her teeth cleaned.

30. Sex in the City would be forced to have an on-going person of color on their cast.

31. Shit would no longer smell.

32. Your friends would tell you how you really look in that outfit.

33. Women would stop trying to impress men by wearing shit that makes them so fucking uncomfortable.

34. Women would stopping shaving their eye-brows off only to replace it with a fake one.

35. Self-proclaimed thugs would actually give up the act, and get it together.

36. People who don't have it together would stop complaining about everybody else who don't have it together.

37. Black Films would get as much hype as White Films.

38. Corporate America, and all of their fucked up practices/beliefs/bullshit would be a thing of the past.

39. Black artists, writers, musicians, actors, entrepreneurs, professionals, and students would get the R-E-S-P-E-C-T they deserve.

40. Everyone and their mama would buy my new novel "I'm On My Way", in stores November 11th, 2003, and attend my book release party on November 15th, 2003 in NYC.

What would you do if you ruled the world?

Alone in a room | It's just me and you | I feel so lost | 'Cause I don't know what to do | Now what if I choose the wrong thing to do | I'm so afraid, afraid of disappointing you... ~Yolanda Adams

I don't like to admit my shortcomings. I don't like to admit my fears. I don't like to admit that I do not always know the right things to say or do. I am after all an American male. By nature we are reared to be know it alls, for all occaisions. So admitting ones incapability's is like denoucing all that is wholesome and American. So what's a man to do?

For close to twenty years I have been afraid to be me. Afraid to open up and allow Chris to shine through. Afraid to show my fragileness, because my fear of fears has always warned me: you will be abandoned.

So I hid.

In my mind I was protecting those I loved. I was protecting...you. That's what I told myself: They wouldn't understand. It's better this way. And for a while it was. It was better to lie. It was better to pretend. It was better because in the end, no one would get hurt. No one. No one...not even me.

But I did get hurt. Protecting you, hurt me. Wondering how you would feel if you found out the un-thinkable-the-un-scripturable-the-un-mentionable-the-un----

I lay hurt for a long time. Hoping--praying--fucking wishing someone would just notice and say: "hey...it's okay, I love you man--you..."

Wondering if I would have to carry this weight around forever, and ever, amen. Wondering if--no--when you found out, would you with your perfect life, perfect love, and even more perfect morals be able to look at me in all my humaness and say: "out of everyone who loves you, I love you the most...so yo, don't worry. I got your back."

In the end who's gonna protect me? Who's gonna have my back? Who, now that you know, all there is to know...